Dare Not to Compare

I am so thrilled to have Ashley from "The Power of One Girl" guest posting for me today. Her message is so inspiring. Be sure to go visit her blog when you finish reading her amazing post!

Ashley is the founder of The Power of One Girl, where she blogs about inner and outer beauty tips for girls, mother and daughter relationships, and faith and life experiences to hopefully inspire others. Ashley is the director of the Miss Murray's Outstanding Teen Pageant and an LDS youth speaker for young women groups. Empowering girls with strong self esteem and confidence is her passion and where she finds great happiness and purpose. She feels it is her mission to help girls to truly believe they are loved by their Father in Heaven, that this is where happiness and peace comes from. 

Comparison is EVERYWHERE!! We all do it and not just in the "I'm not good enough" phases we all go through at some point in our life, but in the prideful judgement phases we all pass through as well.

It took me forever to realize that comparing yourself to other people destroys everything you have to offer. You are different for a reason and if you embrace that, you will find that everything you ever needed or wanted was in you all along.

There are 3 types of comparison:

1. Feeling less than someone else

2. Feeling better than someone else {AKA making a judgement or a prideful thought}

3. Comparing where you are now to your past

All three of these comparisons will tear you down and block you from the blessings Heavenly Father is trying to pour upon you. His blessings may be right in front of your eyes and if you may miss it because you don't believe that you are enough. It's also possible that your pride is getting in the way.

When I was in high school, I was the girl that had mastered comparison like it was nobody's business. There was this girl, her name was Brynne; oh she was absolutely gorgeous in every way possible. Brynne had perfect hair, flawless skin, a huge crowd around her every day at lunch, she always had the perfect words to say, and she was a cheerleader. Words can't comprehend how badly I wanted to be her, even if just for a day. I never felt good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough because I was always focused on who Brynne was and not on who Heavenly Father had created me to be. 

If I've learned anything about comparison, I've learned that Heavenly Father loves us all, as individuals more than we can possibly fathom. He loves us for who we are and He never compares us to one another. He always looks upon our hearts to see our intentions and to give us missions He deeply desires we would fulfill.

God made you who you are for a reason, someone is going to NEED you. There is no right or wrong way to doing things, there is just God's way and what we do will touch others in the light only we can give. 

I have this amazing group of friends that I'm around often. Each one of these friends is their very own individual in countless ways but quite honestly, I'm usually the odd one out. I'm the one that doesn't read as much as they all read, or watch all of the same YouTube videos as them. I don't have all the witty jokes and puns to say right on cue like they do. At first this was really hard for me and I felt I needed to change if I wanted to fit in with these lovely friends whom I adore so much, but Heavenly Father stopped me and taught me something. He showed me that I bring something very different and unique to this group. My sweet and tender spirit and a bit of peace and gentleness to the group that is needed at times.

As I evaluate these amazing friends of mine, I have seen remarkable courage, love, and selfless acts in each of them on many different occasions. But they all display it in different ways. If I were to focus too much on what they have and what they bring to the group, I would be missing out on all the inner beauty that lies within me and the good I can do. Heavenly Father wants to use me in a different way than He wants to use them. Why???... Because different people touch different hearts. We can each reach and relate to another individual in a completely different way, a way that person is going to need it most. 

A few weeks ago, this lovely group of mine had a little get together that I wasn't invited to. Have you ever felt left out and lonely? It hurts bad! But that morning I had said a prayer to Heavenly Father asking Him to show me He is in the details of my life. That same evening that I wasn't invited with my normal group, an opportunity came up to go and do some service for an individual I knew whom was struggling to feel loved and like they had a place or a purpose. The person I was invited by told me a story that allowed me to see a role I had played that I had been overlooking. I've learned coincidences don't exist, they just don't. While I made the choice to feel left out and started to compare, wondering why I wasn't good enough or loved enough to be invited on this particular evening, Heavenly Father taught me something. It wasn't about me, it never had been. Comparing is selfish and conceited. It makes us focus on ourselves more than He would wish for us to. He needed me in another way and it had nothing to do with whether I was good enough for this particular group.

Heavenly Father is involved in the details of our life. It wasn't a coincidence or the intention of my group of friends to leave me out, they probably had absolutely no clue how I felt. But that evening, Heavenly Father had other plans for me. He needed me to be somewhere else so I could make a difference in only the way I could. 

I have many countless experiences of feeling like I wasn't enough or feeling left out, and I haven't always been able to see the reason why as an end result. But in those moments, it's the fear and doubt that are stopping the blessing from reaching your eyes and your heart. Loneliness is not the time to compare and find all the reasons of why you are not enough, it's the moments Heavenly Father is trying to reach your heart and is asking for you to look to Him. He wants to speak to you about the plans He has for you and the missions He needs you to fulfill, will you listen?

Heavenly Father knows your heart and He knows exactly what you are capable of! If something isn't working out the way you hoped it would, it's okay! Heavenly Father doesn't want you to compare because that allows doubt and fear to take over and then you will be distracted of the mission and purpose that is right in front of your eyes that He has prepared for YOU to fulfill. Only you can fulfill it! You hear this all the time but it's in the simple things you will do that will allow you to come to know this truth for yourself. 

You weren't ever meant to be a chameleon. You don't want to blend in with the others and look like everyone else, these are satan's desires for your life. Your individual worth is one of the greatest gifts you have. It's your opportunity to fulfill your unique mission that is YOURS because of your talents, the words you speak, the letters you write, the prayers you pray, and the example you lead! No one else can fulfill YOUR mission for you! You most certainly can't copy and compare yourself, wishing to become someone else if you're actually going to fulfill your mission! Believe you have a mission, a daily mission, a mission that allows you to see the world in another way than you ever have before. When you discover what this daily mission is (and it will change) light and happiness will come to you and your self esteem will soar because you will finally be happy with who you are!

I challenge you, actually I dare you... no, I double dog dare you to stop comparing yourself to others, comparisons are ugly and pointless. It is satan's greatest desire that we compare. We were born to lift each other up and how can we do that when we are envious and jealous and constantly thinking about if we have more or less than another. Don't waste your thoughts wondering if you're better off or worse off than others. You are a remarkable individual and I know without a doubt you have the potential within you to change this world!

How to Turn your Dreams into Reality

Are you ready for an adventure? It's time to harness your big dreams and turn them into a reality. The first step is to pick a dream--anything under the sun that you would like to achieve in your life. If you need help finding one, or you feel somewhat unsettled or dissatisfied with how things are in your life right now check out this post first: To Dream is a Grand Adventure {this post will really help you find your next dream}

Once you've picked a dream {for me, it was redecorating my home}, it's time to begin.

THE 7 STEP DREAMING PROCESS

Phase 1: Dreaming Phase 

During this phase, the sky is the limit. Look at Pinterest boards, cut out pages from magazines, make collages and dream boards, look around you for inspiration. Dream about all of the possibilities and don't cut out a single one. This is a time to let your imagination soar. Note: This phase can sometimes take only a few hours. With more complex or massive dreams, this process could take up to a few months--or even a year or more. Judge the size and feasibility of your dream at this stage in your life. You'll know when it's time to move onto the next phase.

You can check out the Pinterest board I created when I embarked on this journey of redecorating my home {back in December}. This is the place I put the ideas I found online. For physical inspiration, like printouts and magazine pictures/articles, I began compiling a binder.

Phase 2: Design & Visualize Phase

After you've spent some time dreaming, you need to craft a vision. For me, it was writing down on paper some of my design ideas for my house. Once I had a rough sketch, I spent several days just letting it settle. I would take a few minutes at the end of my day to lay on my bed, close my eyes, and visualize myself living in the home of my dreams. It's tempting to skip this step--but this step is vital! When you begin visualizing your dream coming to life, that's when things start to get magical. If this is important to you, and you've felt the Spirit whisper to you that your dream is good, then Heavenly Father will help you achieve it. That's why it's imperative that you keep your thoughts positive and visualize your dream coming true. Because the very moment you start visualizing, your dream will start gradually turning into your reality. Note: This phase needs to continue throughout the whole dreaming process. It will fuel your dream with the enthusiasm you will need to achieve it.

Phase 3: Research & Refine Phase

Now it's time to dive into researching just exactly how you are going to make your dream come true. Write down all the questions you have, and all the worries you have. Then research them one by one. This phase can take a while as you explore all the details, so don't expect it to be completed overnight--especially if it's a big dream. And don't get overwhelmed. Just work on it little by little, bit by bit, and keep updating your dream boards with the how-to's and inspirational articles you will need to reference when you're in the creation phase. This phase took me over a month to complete, but it was well worth it. There is something about researching all the details that calms your worries. As you research, refine your dream vision--tweaking things here and there until your dream is doable and manageable.

Phase 4: Budget & Save Phase

The budgeting aspect of this phase may not take very long. If you've done your research, you should know a ballpark range of how much this dream will cost {and for business dreams, how much profit you will make after you invest in education and supplies}. When you have a projected expenses document {I made mine first on paper and later in Excel}, you can look at your budget to see how and when to allocate your funds. There may be some parts of your dream you have to cut out, and others you have to put on hold while you save up the money. But don't get discouraged. It will be worth it, and like I said earlier, the Lord will help you. I finished my re-decorating budget last month and have been waiting for our tax refund and other savings to be accumulated. Many of the aspects of my dream {like painting, can lights, new light fixtures, several pieces of new furniture, and other small decor will be feasible over the next few months. Other things, like my countertops and floor will have to wait...for several, several years. And that's okay. I am feeling so content and blessed with all that I have received.

Phase 5: Planning Phase

After you have made a budget timetable, it's time to make a plan of when you will work on and complete each aspect of your dream. For me, I made a "Remodel Timeline" in my notebook complete with my list of projects to do and the date I wanted to do them. Of course, this plan won't be set in stone and I will be tweaked as regular life happens, but with a plan, you will be more motivated to move into the next phase. Be advised--while it's very good to research and plan and refine, be careful not to get stuck too long in the researching phase or the planning phase as you wait for perfection. Eventually, you just have to take a deep breath and take the plunge. Things will work out as you go along--I promise. Note: this phase took me only one afternoon to complete. With my research done, it was a cinch.

Phase 6: Creation Phase 

Are you ready to get started on actually achieving your dream now? This is the phase I am in right now. It's exciting and nerve-racking and head-spinning and wonderful all at the same time. Enjoy each moment--even the unpleasant ones {like painting vaulted ceilings...coming soon}. When you start to wonder why you ever started on this journey, remind yourself of what you are trying to accomplish, and how it will bless your life and the lives of those around you. Remind yourself that it will be worth it, and every problem will be solved. Pray for strength, and rely on His grace. He will help you if things start to look bleak. This phase may be done in one day or it may take several months or even years to achieve. But remember that joy can be found in the journey as well as the destination.

Phase 7: Gratitude & Celebration Phase 

Since I'm not finished with my creation phase yet, I will hold off on explaining this last phase for a bit. I will dedicate a whole post to this when my house dream is completed.

And that's it! That is the "Dreaming Process" in a nutshell. I would love to have you share with me in the comments the dream you are working towards, and update me on your progress. You can follow me on Instagram @writinginthestillness to follow along with my house dream journey. I will also be posting lots of inspiring quotes there to keep you {and me} excited and motivated.

Good luck! {And "Good Faith," as my mother always says.}
With the Lord's help, you can do anything!!!

To Dream is a Grand Adventure

 Everyone needs a good dream. A dream that lights you up inside and makes you want to jump out of bed each morning with excitement. To me, a dream is more than just a goal. Goals are good. They are the small landmarks along the way that help us reach our destination. But dreams? They are the destination.

A good dream builds you, empowers you, and molds you into a truer disciple of Christ while simultaneously helping you reach outward, beyond yourself to bless those around you. Dreams can be small or large or somewhere in-between. They might bless your family, your community, or even the world at large. But they are all important. Because God delights in the growth of His children.

I was pondering on this thought a few mornings ago as I washed the breakfast dishes when my sweet little 3-year-old daughter bounced into the kitchen and announced: “Mommy, I’m going on an adventure!”

I gazed down at her enthusiasm and asked, “You are?”

“Yes. I’m all ready! I have everything I need!”

She held up her sparkly light-up purse filled with “necklaces, toys, and snacks.” And with that, she was off to happily pursue her special make believe adventure. I smiled to myself. We all need an adventure. Following our dreams as an adventurous quest puts a sparkle in our eyes and a lightness to our step. Yes, we all need a good dream.

Where are you in regards to following your dreams? You may already be pursuing a bold quest to make a difference in the world. Right now, this is where I am. I have a lofty vision for the near future and I am striving little by little to achieve it.

But there have been other times in my life when I haven’t felt so sure. Times when my progression slowed or even stopped—like I was standing on an isolated, flat plateau and had no idea how to get off. Or perhaps you’ve just completed an adventurous quest and are wondering what’s next. Have you ever been in a similar space?

What do you do when you’re stuck in a rut, or standing on a plateau, or at the end of a quest and don’t know where to even begin when it comes to finding your next dream?

You start right where you are, because “here” is all you have in the grand scheme of things. Bless this present moment—no matter how high or low you feel. Remember that feelings are temporary and they do not define who you are. You are a spirit child of God living in this mortal experience to grow and become. So let the emotions flow through you and accept where you are with open arms. Because this rut you stand in today will lead you to a mountain vista tomorrow.

Once you accept where you stand, glance around. Take in this “view from the valley.” Gaze off into the distance and observe your surroundings. Do you see perhaps a far-off mountain or nearby hill, beckoning you to climb its peak?

What does this look like in practical application? Kneel before your Maker and ask Him to give you a vision of your next mission to perform. Then be still and listen. Your answer may come in that moment, but maybe not. If it does, embrace it with open arms, write it down, and commit to take the steps necessary to achieve it.

But if not, stand up and live with a heightened awareness of the little things in your daily life. Because the Lord will send you a message through something as simple as a verse in your scripture study, a sunrise, a phone call, an article read, a chance conversation with a loved one, an act of service performed, a message from church, or just a simple idea that switches on like a light bulb.

Pay attention—for your petition is important to your Heavenly Father. He delights in giving His children a vision of what they can become and how they can personally make a difference in the lives of His other children throughout the world.

The scriptures say, “Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (D&C 88:63)

In my count, I found a similar admonition repeated more than 15 times throughout the scriptures. Truly, this exhortation is a sure promise we can believe.

In the words of Elder Jeffrey R Holland:

“God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe.” (This, the Greatest of All Dispensations, CES Fireside, September 12, 2004)

I believe this. I know He will answer. And when He does, it will be like a hilltop off in the distance lights up with a conduit from heaven, and deep down you just know that this adventure is the one for you.

Do You Ever Feel like Faith is Elusive?

I love the principle of FAITH, but at times it can be a little elusive for me. So I am always seeking to deepen my understanding of this amazingly powerful principle.

I have a dear friend who taught me about faith a few weeks ago. In her home, my friend displays a little plaque with these words:

"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death."

Max Lucado said it similarly:

“Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will.”

I was also reminded that faith is something we have to practice. But as with any skill, we become good at what we practice.  Day after day, we can choose to immerse ourselves in faith-building activities. Things like feasting on the scriptures, soaking in quiet moments of meditation, retreating to the temple, listing gratitude, singing praises, communing in prayer, finding our ancestors, and easing the burdens of others will not only build our faith--it will build us. I can think of no greater use of our time.

And even when we are living the more routine parts of our days, we can infuse the ordinariness with faith. Thinking about favorite scriptures as we wash dishes; singing hymns while we fold laundry or drive to work; encouraging those around us as Christ would do; noticing the tender mercies ever apparent; choosing patience over anger; and a myriad of other ways will fill our hearts with faith.

One of my absolute favorite ways to increase faith, is to simply state it--out loud or even quietly to myself:

"I have faith."

I learned this from my mother. There wasn't a day that went by on our mission in Portugal that she didn't wake up and say with the brightest smile on her face, "Eu tenho fé! I have faith!" She taught me such a profound lesson through her example.

The wonderful thing is, when we state our faith out loud, even if we feel it is small or weak, our faith begins to grow. And it sends a message to "the opposition" that we aren't giving up and we will not be discouraged or defeated.

My friend taught me another profound lesson--one that I've learned before but have such a hard time putting into practice. The lesson is this: we wouldn't let anyone bully, put-down, or discourage one of our family members or friends--so why do we let the adversary do this to us? If someone we cared for was being mistreated, we would boldly stand up for them and order the bully to leave. Likewise, we must learn to do this for ourselves when our fears and doubts and discouragements come knocking. We can't let anyone or anything paralyze us with despondence. We are spirit children of God and with faith in Him, we can move mountains.

So state your faith. State it boldly in the face of your enemies.

Remember: darkness always flees from the light.

Faith: Walking on Water

I was so privileged to have my post featured on Multiply Goodness a few weeks ago. I am posting my words here as well in case you missed them:

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I have a painting on my wall that I treasure: “Christ Walking on Water” painted in 1880 by Julius Von Klever. It was a gift from my mother at a time when I desperately needed it. I was discouraged, trying to become the mother of my dreams. But the days were long in our dark little basement apartment with two toddler boys and my husband in graduate school. My dream glowed like an ember before me, but it seemed so far out of reach. I just felt too small and weak to realize my divine potential.

Do you ever feel this way? Like God has this grand vision of how His glorious purposes will shine through you, and yet you feel so ordinary?

The day I hung this painting on our tiny dining room wall I felt a newfound courage well up inside me and our home was filled with a special sort of holiness. And as I gazed upon this painting day after day, the beautiful story of Christ walking on the water came alive in my mind and I became like Peter. I chose each day to go beyond the boat and walk on water—a place where I had no control, but learned to trust in my Savior and His plan for my life. Through those years that seemed to stretch on forever, but really swept by too swiftly, I surrendered to Christ’s will, and He in turn healed and empowered me. And little by little, He taught me how to be the mother I’d always dreamed of becoming.

Now I stand a bit farther down the road of life and can feel that He’s not done with me yet. There are still mountains for me to climb and dreams for me to realize.

As I knelt to pray a few nights ago, I was quite unexpectedly given a new charge from the Lord. Flashes of inspiration and insight flooded my heart and I was struck with wonder.

But then I began to doubt the reality of little me achieving something so grand, and for one brief moment, fear paralyzed my aspirations. But my scriptures beckoned to me from the nightstand, promising answers. So I picked them up and opened to where my ribbon marked my place in Matthew 14:25-31.

Where do you start when your dream looms like an ocean before you?

Right where you are.

“And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea….

“And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out in fear.

“But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.

“And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.”

Peter asks his Savior to invite him to come unto Him. You do the same every time you ask the Lord to show you His will for your life and how you can shine His light in your own special way.

“And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.”

And so the Savior invites and Peter steps out of the security of the ship and down into the rolling waves. Whether you do so boldly or perhaps with a bit of hesitation, you too step out of your ship of comfort and familiarity to accept the glorious task you’ve been given and walk towards Christ to learn how to achieve it.

“But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

“And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?”

The wind and waves beat vehemently and for one split second Peter removes his eyes from the Savior. This moment of turning from faith to fear is when he starts to sink. Do you ever heed your doubts, fears, and the tempestuous voices around you when you embark on a dream?

After reading these verses, I felt my Savior reach down and catch me. My doubts and fears fled away, replaced with enveloping peace. I realized then that I’m really not so small and ordinary if I am walking on the water with the Savior of the world.

Are you ready to embrace your God-given dreams, walk to the Savior, and discover from Him how to shine forth His glory to the world?

Armed with faith in my Savior and with my gaze fixed steadfastly upon Him, I am ready to learn how to walk on water again.