For the Hard Days

It's been one of those months. Where a whole lot goes wrong and yet somehow you're given the strength to press on and climb even higher.

I think I've been knee-deep in a tutorial on trusting in the Lord and especially in His timing.

It's when life is relatively easy that we view trials as hard taskmasters and wonder or even doubt if we would have the strength to do what others do if presented with similar hardships.

But when we are thrust into a refiner's fire of our own, it's in this space that we find our inner strength. We worry and struggle and feel a bit sorry for ourselves. But then, if we are still, we feel the enveloping peace of our faith engulfing us. From somewhere deep inside, the flame of our faith turns into a blazing fire. And our faith grows intensely stronger while simultaneously carrying us through the moments. And so we stand up, and arise, and walk the road "less traveled by." We walk His way.

A scripture from Isaiah has been running through my head:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9)

We don't have to understand, but we do have to come to a place of acceptance for every thing the Lord places in our path. Because every single thing, whether triumph or trial, has the potential to liberate us--allowing us to live as the person we've always wanted to become.

And He sustains us every step of the way, reminding us again and again that everything will work out for our eternal good. Because He is good.

And I want to be good. I recognize this adversity as a blessed tool to draw my heart closer to my Father and Savior. And on a day when my schedule was overflowing, I decided to stop worrying and to instead commit myself to Christ--to be wholly consumed and centered in Him. I chose to view my appointments as opportunities to minister as He would. And I did. But the trials kept coming and the fire grew hotter still.

But even in the midst of the fire, He was there, still giving me good gifts.

Like calls from family offering support. Like visits from my mom and sister. Like my husband's last work appointment canceling so he could be with me. Like a text from a neighbor and an artichoke casserole given when I had doctor's appointments and four other commitments, and was trying to make dinner for another sick neighbor. Like strength to make hard decisions and then red lights after the decision was made to help us back up. Like a mother who is still serving and visiting and cooking and shopping for me and prayers from family and friends and three other friends offering to make me dinner and help with anything I need. And a host of other tender mercies that are causing my heart to brim with fullness and nearly burst in gratitude.

And yesterday, amidst it all, this song played for me and I knew it was sent from above.

Open My Hands (by Sara Groves)

I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain
That broken find healing in love
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness
He withholds no good thing from us
No good thing from us, no good thing from us

I will open my hands, will open my heart
I will open my hands, will open my heart
I am nodding my head an emphatic yes
To all that You have for me 

Truly the Lord is good and this refiner's fire is gifting me gold.