Approaching Perfection.

Have you ever considered that happiness, the true kind, the kind that stays in your heart long after a joyful moment or experience has faded into the twilight, bursts forth from the wellspring of a relationship with Deity?  Consider the words of the prophet Joseph Smith:

“We consider that God has created man with a mind capable of instruction, and a faculty which may be enlarged in proportion to the heed and diligence given to the light communicated from heaven to the intellect; and that the nearer man approaches perfection, the clearer are his views, and the greater his enjoyments, till he has overcome the evils of his life and lost every desire for sin; and like the ancients, arrives at that point of faith where he is wrapped in the power and glory of his Maker and is caught up to dwell with Him. But we consider that this is a station to which no man ever arrived in a moment: he must have been instructed in the government and laws of that kingdom by proper degrees, until his mind is capable in some measure of comprehending the propriety, justice, equality, and consistency of the same” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith [1976], sel. Joseph Fielding Smith, 51).

"The nearer man approaches perfection"--in other words, the nearer a man approaches God, for is He not the sum of perfection?  This one little phrase, the simplest and yet by far the hardest test of mortality---to  approach perfection.  This one little key can unlock happiness?  This forging ahead and trying and failing and repenting and rising a little higher?  And with each step closer to God, "the greater [our] enjoyments."  The greater our joy.  The greater our happiness.  And if we feel somewhat unhappy today, could we move a step closer to our Maker tomorrow?  Would we, in turn, feel a bit closer to a lasting form of happiness as well?  Yes, we will.  But don't just take my word for it.  Try it out yourself.  And see.

Happy Challenge:
Identify one step you can take to approach a little closer to perfection, a little closer to God.  Just one.  And when you've taken that step, don't be satisfied.  Take another.  And another.  And another.  Measure the increase of your happiness after the span of a week.  And a month.  And even a year.  Record your transformation.  Each step, each habit conquered, is a molding of ourselves to the image of Christ.  Every step makes a difference, each small effort is eternally needed.  Don't discount the small and simple things.

image source

Simplify by Listening.

Just for today, make the choice to listen a little more closely to the voice of the Spirit.  Just a few minutes ago I was talking with my husband on his lunch break and spilling to him the worries and troubles from my heart.  In his wise and wonderful way, he asked me to do 2 things for him.

#1. Follow the Spirit.  He asked me to do what I am prompted to do for the Spirit will lead me to do things that will comfort and uplift my soul.

#2. Be comforted.  He promised me that because of prayers and faith the Lord would seek to comfort me today.  But I must let the comfort in.  I must choose to feel the comfort He will inevitably provide for me.

And then he asked me to have faith.  So I promised I would do these things, he told me he loved me, and we said goodbye.

Now it has been 25 minutes since I hung up the phone and I am already witnessing miracles from acting on the two simple suggestions from my sweetheart.  I know that I will only witness more as the day goes on.

Thank you, Sweetie, for your words and wisdom.  And thank Thee, Father, for the miracles.

Would you care to take the challenge as well?  I can only attest that miracles will follow--even if they are small and simple.  They will come.  They have for me...

Finding Light {My Battle Part 2}

It was towards the end of March that I finally decided to reach out for help.  My husband had asked me on numerous occasions if I wanted him to call my mom and seek out a doctor.  I turned him down each time, believing that I would get better if I just gave it more time.

I had tried exercising more frequently, changing my daily routine a dozen times, eliminating distracting activities...the list went on and on.  And while each of these solutions were good and should have helped, they didn't.  I realized that it was my body's hormones and not my external factors that needed a revamp.

But there were so many days that I wished I didn't even exist...for no tangible, logical reason.  My life was perfect, but I felt in the depths of despair.  Even the warm spring and the sunshine outside, which usually served to bolster me and fuel my joy, only made me feel like crawling up in a corner to cry.  The worst part of the depression seemed to hit me in the mornings.  Every morning the weight of the day would hit me like a ton of bricks the second I opened my eyes.  Sleep was my only escape from the terrible feelings of guilt, sadness, and despair.

In the last week of March I finally accepted my sweetheart's suggestions.  He called my mom because I was too sad to admit that I was depressed.  She immediately reached out and called me.  She found a doctor and I set up an appointment.  This was the turning point for me.  She prescribed a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor and I began faithfully taking the medicine.  It took a few weeks to fully kick-in, so to speak, but I found myself experiencing fewer and fewer bad days as time went on.

I continued to practice life-enhancing habits and did my best to eat and drink right.  I began taking afternoon naps with my little ones and found my days gradually normalizing.  I remember in April there was a day that I finally felt like my normal self.  At first these days were sporadic and unpredictable, but eventually they became the majority.

In May I noticed progress.  I noted that my afternoons began to be happier, and little by little, the hour got earlier that I would begin feeling happy.  Noon for a few days, then 11:00, then 10:00.  By June--I hit a landmark.  I was finally waking up happy.  I waited a few weeks and started to feel like my normal self again.  I am just now tapering off the medication and it feels so wonderful to be alive.

While the medication was definitely a catalyst in my progress, there was a spiritual power that activated it.  I truly learned how to call on my Heavenly Father moment by moment for grace and strength beyond my own to face the feats before me.  It was revolutionary and it has changed me forever...this calling upon Him for grace.  Early this year I had been contemplating how I could come to know my Savior better.  Truly, this was the answer.

Do I feel embarrassed, saddened, or bitter that this whole experience of postpartum depression happened to me?  No. 

Though it was excruciatingly difficult, I know that the Lord pulled me from the abyss.  As I learned to rely on Him more, and use the resources He put in my path, my burden was lifted.  And now as I gaze out at the sunlight falling on the summer countryside, I am truly happy.  And I know that even though I feel much like my normal self, I will never be exactly the same.  I am different now.  More refined, stronger than I was, and perhaps, a little more like Him.

Faith to do His Will {A Key to a Lifetime of Happiness}

The pine needles gleam with an edge of sunlight.  They bend in the breeze and sway to an unheard melody.  This is what I see today as I sip hot chocolate and stand in awe of His handiwork.  They bend as if their whole existence were centered on following the will of Him who manages the cosmos.  And indeed,

"O how great is the nothingness of the children of men; yea, even they are less than the dust of the earth.  For behold, the dust of the earth moveth hither and thither, to the dividing asunder, at the command of our great and everlasting God.  Yea, behold at his voice do the hills and the mountains tremble and quake.  And by the power of his voice they are broken up, and become smooth, yea, even like unto a valley.  Yea, by the power of his voice doth the whole earth shake; Yea, by the power of his voice, do the foundations rock, even to the very center.  Yea, and if he say unto the earth--Move--it is moved." (Helaman 12:7-13)

 This subject has been on my mind for weeks now and I have been treading softly on new ground.  Not one day has been perfect, but there have been glimpses of a more Christlike heart and a few more heavenly moments.  Like yesterday.  And today.  I planned out my days with the Spirit guiding my heart to know what to pencil in and what to scratch out, leaving for later.  The friends I have visited, the purchases I've made, the way I've handled difficult behavior in my children has been pre-planned and guided by the Spirit...sometimes in the unexpected moment of it all.

And it is interesting to witness the change....in my days, in my demeanor, in my energy level, my health, vigor, and happiness.  Life is just lit with luster when we submit to His will and bend to the rhythm of His breeze.

This all has left me wondering how different my life would be if everyday, in every way, I tried to discern the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  How would my relationship with my children change? {Maybe flourish?}  How would my reactions be altered? {Perhaps all negativity would be eliminated?}  Would my time be better spent?  Would I be happier, more satisfied, content, and fulfilled?  Would this practice enable me to walk with Him daily?

I think I've stumbled upon another key to happiness; another key to making life holy; another key to a life of miraculous moments.

It lies in simply doing His will.

And every time I see pine needles, or leaves, or branches, or grass, or flower, I will think of this principle...and recommit.

Filled with Light.

"The light of the body is the eye; if, therefore, thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

{3 Nephi 13:22}

"And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be full of light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things."

{D&C 88:67}

How often I have read these words, like poetry, straight from the Lord's own mouth.

Knowing that the light of the body is the eye, I have become a vigilant observer of eyes.  After years of watching and feeling, it is usually easy to discern the state of one's heart from the light that shines forth from one's eyes.  In fact, the light of the eye reflects in the whole of the countenance.

But what of the eye being single to the glory of God?

How often I have pondered this deeper meaning.

Today light poured into my understanding, and I understood perhaps a layer of meaning to this phrase.

How do we glory God?  We live our lives in righteousness, always the best we can; we arise and shine forth an example of light; and then we bring Him praise for everything we receive...even the hardships.

This is, I believe, the summation of glorying God.

And if this, this glory-giving, glory-living life is what we focus on singly, or solely, it shows.  It manifests as a shining of light in our eyes.

I go to the mirror and examine my eyes.  There's the blue and the white and the black of the pupil, but I ignore all of these and look deeper.  Is the light there?  And my mind rolls back in time to nearly 7 years ago when I sat in a BYU-Idaho devotional in a little chapel on a cushioned bench.  I do not remember the name of the lady addressing, but I'll never forget what she taught.  She spoke of eyes and light and countenances reflecting the light of the Savior.  And she issued a challenge.   To rise up each morning, go to a mirror, and look for the light.  We were then encouraged to act that day in a way that the light in our eyes would be increased.

Here at my mirror, seven years later, and I still search for the light as often as I remember.  Maybe this coming year it will become a solidified routine.  

To check for the light.  

To examine the eyes.  

To live a life of glory to God...

And the list continues...
ever onward to 1000...

#752 Little inventive boys
#753 Old matchbox cars coursing through brown wrapping paper tubes.
#755 Sweet Pea's countdown inspired by the Spirit.
#757 Prayers and faith pulling Mother through her surgery and post-surgery with no epidural or pain medication.
#764 A sweet tender birthday hug from Pop
#771 Impromptu sweetness last night before drifting into slumber.
#772 This heart-building counting of the graces, while waiting for my own little "Grace" girl.
#773 Little Bug's pure, innocent, unrestrained laughter.
#775 Approaching the 1000 mark and wondering what lies beyond...

A Holy Experience Unwrapping...

Last night I read this:  "They were once a delightsome people, and they had Christ for their shepherd; yea, they were led even by God the Father." (Mormon 5:17)

And then this morning I read this:  "...yea, ye will not hearken unto the voice of the good shepherd..." (Helaman 7:18)

My mind has been pondering sheep and the Shepherd and discipleship ever since.

And then I read of how the Nephites grew proud because of their riches and blessings and then they let the adversary get hold over their hearts.  This all happened in just a few years (see Helaman 6-7).  And the question plagued me:  How do I prevent he adversary from getting a great hold on my heart?  What is the formula for keeping him at bay and away?  What is the antidote for pride?

Curled up in my armchair in the peace of this Autumn morning, the answers came...

First, I must listen to His voice moment by moment--continually seeking to do His will and not my own.  {This is how I can keep my heart centered on the Lord and reject the lures of the adversary.}

Second, I must give praise and thanks for every blessing which I receive, acknowledging that every thing comes from the Lord.  I can recognize that trials come to stir us up in remembrance of the One who descended below all things and shape us into more Christlike beings.  I can realize that blessings and talents, too, always come from Him. {This is how I can combat pride on the one hand and bitterness on the other--the two vices that distance ourselves from the Lord.}

And maybe, just maybe, I am beginning to unwrap the gift of learning to live A Holy Experience here in mortality.  To follow and to praise are perhaps two of the keys that unlock the beautiful mystery of learning how to live in holiness each day.

It's as if Autumn has brought me a turning.  A turning of green leaves to a golden hue...and a turning of my green heart to one with just a tint of gold now.

Yes.  All is Grace.

Feasting...

Today the morn began with a cloud of gloom on my head and remembrances of all that is worrying me and how weak I really am.

But then a feast in the word of God gave me new hope.

The story of King Lamoni has always touched me.  How he had been taught from his youth incorrect traditions and untruths.  How he had walked in ignorance his whole life, never knowing the doctrine of God or the Savior or the atonement.

And when he was finally given the glorious truths by the inspired missionary, Ammon, his heart was changed and he cried unto the Lord for mercy.

Subsequently, he fell to the earth and remained in this state for several days as he was taught in vision from on high.  The queen was concerned.  Was her husband dead?  But Ammon comforted her with the words, "...he sleepeth in God, and on the morrow he shall rise again;" (Alma 19:8)

And the verse that touched my heart so deeply today was this:

"Now, this was what Ammon desired, for he knew that king Lamoni was under the power of God; he knew that the dark veil of unbelief was being cast away from his mind, and the light which did light up his mind, which was the light of the glory of God, which was a marvelous light of his goodness--yea, this light had infused such joy into his soul, the cloud of darkness having been dispelled, and that the light of everlasting life was lit up in his soul, yea, he knew that this had overcome his natural frame, and he was carried away in God--" (Alma 19:6)

And as I read, I wanted this experience of light infusing my soul with joy and dispelling all clouds of darkness.  But how?

The answer came quickly.

I needed to fast from ingratitude and feast upon all of the goodness that the Lord is giving me.

I knew I needed to continue what I have been trying to practice all year--Eucharisteo, daily thanksgiving, praise to my Father.  And this I needed to do more fervently than I have been mustering these last few months.  My 1000 Gift List had only reached 616, and I knew I needed to recommit to writing down the gifts, the graces, the tender mercies from on high...every day...and many times during the day.  I knew I needed to rededicate my efforts in this cause so I can finish this year having fulfilled my goal of giving the Lord my daily praise for all of His goodness, His mercy, His grace.

And I will chronicle this journey, this practice, this 3-month project here...because this feasting on gratitude will surely produce great happiness on my continual quest for happiness.

 I sat down and pulled out my Gift List and scrawled out mercies until I reached 630.

And now my soul feels satisfied as it has been infused with gratitude and empowered with the Spirit.

I stand forever grateful for the tender mercy upon tender grace that the Lord gives to me.

The cloud has gone now.  And "the light of the glory of God, which [is] a marvelous light of his goodness" is warming my soul like the rays of Autumn sunshine.

It's yet again, a new beginning.

The True Easter Celebration

Even as I write this, chills tingle my spine and the Spirit whispers the confirming witness, that yes,

He Lives.

 Easter is nearing and my mind wanders the life and the ministry of Him who bore our griefs. How can I make this Easter experience one that washes over my family like a wave from the sea leaving us flushed with eternal water pure--His living water?

Our superficial world with its materialistic counterfeits for every holy thing has not left Easter unsaturated.  It is hard to break free from the traditionalism of Western culture--but we must return to the source of the water if we are to experience a rebirth.

This world with its holiday traditions is not evil, it is just distracting when there is so much more to derive.

My boys and I paint white clouds on blue cardstock, but do we snatch the opportunity to gaze up at the clouds that twist and float and change with each passing minute?

We blow bubbles and the ones that Pop holds are large and ethereal, soaring away on the April wind. And the ones that the little ones make are small and short-lived and we keep pointing to the colossal swirls of rainbow and say, "Look, look," but they don't hear or maybe they just ignore.

And Pop says it best, They are too focused on making their own that they don't look up to see the big ones.

When we focus so much on the fluffy traditions and forget to live the holy ones it's as if we are painting clouds and blowing small bubbles and forgetting to look up, to the source, to the real beauty and meaning.

Could we remove the layers of fanciful that quickly wither?  Could we refuse to go through Easter and instead pledge to have the experience of Easter go through us, and change us?

 Let us walk with Him today and everyday as we travel the road to the cross and the empty tomb.

Cupped Hands, broken world, Eucharisteo in practice

Last night was wonderful.  With the summation of General Conference and the words of a living prophet, my heart was happy as my sweetheart and I discussed the gems we heard.

But today has been a tornado of terribleness.  Boys crying and falling off chairs and puzzles missing pieces and I sit and wonder what pieces are missing in me.  Why is this all so hard?  Why can I not be just stronger and just truer and just better and just...something that I'm lacking?

I remember Ann's words I read last night when all was peaceful and still and just perfect.  And today with the turmoil the words are being put to the test:

"Eucharisteo makes the knees the vantage point of a life and I bend and the body, it says it quiet: 'Thy will be done.' This is the way a body and a mouth say thank you: Thy will be done. This is the way the self dies, falls into the arms of Love." ~Ann Voskamp, one thousand gifts

I felt it last night after prayer and while I quietly pondered.  I gave my will to Him and in response, a waterfall of joy and peace washing over me, making me feel cleansed and pure.

But in the here and now, the rush and franticness, the helter and skelter, the tears and the anger, "this fallen world [that] never stops dis-membering and we all break apart a bit more everyday," I am put to the test.  But what else could I expect when for Christmas I gave Him a gift of thanks, Eucharisteo, that would evolve into a new way of life for me and my family?

Do I not believe that He will therefore give me a chance to practice this Eucharisteo every day and perhaps every moment?  But what of when I don't feel joy brimming and overflowing?  What of the reality of diapers and laundry and stubbed toes and dishes and piano lessons and keeping the peace with a house of 3 boys?  What of the times when my heart fills empty and alone and angry?

This is the time when I can follow what I read from Ann last night:

"And I humbly open my hand to release my will to receive His, to accept His wind.  I accept the gift of now as it is -- accept God -- for I can't be receptive to God unless I receive what He gives."

And this too:

"True saints know that the place where all the joy comes from is far deeper than that of feelings; joy comes from the place of the very presence of God. Joy is God and God is joy and joy doesn't negate all other emotions--joy transcends all other emotions." 

~Ann Voskamp, one thousand gifts

So I keep counting and scrawling the gifts and little by little, with hands cupped, the winds start to cease--if not all around me then at least in my heart.  And my "I can't do this," turns into "We can."

Because the piece that was missing I can find everyday in Him and in seeing Him in every moment, every eyelash, every sound, ever tear.  He is here...giving me good gifts and I have cracked the code and will continue to re-crack it daily until it becomes in essence a very part of me. 

"In the remembering to give thanks, our broken places are re-membered — made whole."  ~Ann Voskamp

#175. Sunlight lacing edges of dark cloud
#183. Reminding myself that yes, even this is grace
#187. Not losing my temper once today
#202. Feeling the bread broken and the water cool--both healing my soul
#205. Prompting to call Mom and talk to her about my grace-trial
#223. Beethoven's Sonate drifting through my ears melancholy and somber and poignant
#227. Quiet moment in the Word
#228. Funny texts from sweetheart the make me smile
#230. Nudges to carry this notebook everywhere
#238. Warm purple socks snuggling cold feet
#239. Thinking of summer
#243. Day all mended with a call to my best friend
#253. Seeing my distorted reflection in the steel of cheese grater--reminding me that I see through a glass, darkly.  There is no veil veiling His view and perspective.
#260. Seeing the good adventure in living with family this year.
#279. A daily routine that finally words--Breakfast, chores, Sunrise Devotional, Preschool, lunch, naps, laundry and movie, playtime, scriptures and journals, bedtime
#280. Knowing soon I will have a Sabbath routine that will work.
#301. Warm, unseen hands on shoulders comforting me through my doctor's visit
#304. Little Bug running all cuddly to my lap.
#316. Needing more tape which seemed like storm of hail but was really grace because it led me to the store where I found the miracle of the 40 teal totes each $2.00
#318. Kind man fetching my lids when they blew away in the ferocious 35-40 mile an hour wind then going with me the extra mile to my car to keep the lids from flying away again.
#319. After completely dying, car starting again after a heartfelt prayer and many attempts.
#332. Trusting the Lord to cradle my day
#334. April 1st sunshine
#339. Rustles of pages and clicks of marker lids--the sound of boys coloring
#344. Little Bug saying "blanket" for the first time
#353. Little Bug wanting me to hold him all day-those days are so limited
#356. Little boys in little socks running in the sunshine and riding trikes
#359. Joy cackle of Little Bug on the swing for the first time this Spring.  Last year he went through a phase of fear for swings.  Had he just forgotten the magical wonder of it all?
#360. Waking up to Little Bear's voice singing, "Conference is today, Conference is today!"
#361. Spirit blanketing home today with General Conference streaming to our eyes and ears
#374. Bedlamites laughing manically while rolling on the ground.
#383. Little Bug's "Thank you Mommy's."

Multitudes on Monday

Last week I began my new book, One Thousand Gifts.

And last week I took the dare to live fully right where I am.

I bought a new journal to record the gifts...and recorded 100 on day 1.

I am just a beginner, but before I ever found this book or A Holy Experience, I gave my Savior the gift of gratitude for Christmas.  And gratitude is what I worked on through January and February, progress was minimal but concerted none the less.  But on March 1st when I found the book, and read the first chapter online, and found the blog, gratitude every day seemed no more like drudgery, but salvation.  And not only this, but attainable, within my reach, like a star falling right into my cupped hands.

A goal for Gratitude has become a year of Eucharisteo.

Now I am on gift #217 and I'm still a beginner, yet aren't we all?  Beginners at truly coming to know Christ? and His goodness? and mercy?

But I am starting to see, clearly, and finding joy in the process, in the journey, in the moments.

It seems that now my test is to endure the hard eucharisteo, and the things like rain and snowy trials that don't look like grace.  But they are.  Because all is grace, even this.  And all is well, because everywhere there is a well to drink the living waters, we just must search and seek to find.

Some days He showers down sunshine unending and we feel and taste of His love so abundantly.

Other days He showers down sleet and hail and we feel and taste of bitterness if we choose, or grace if we have eyes to see that storms grow the trees and plants just as much as the sunshine.  

And we are the trees....needing the sunshine...and the storms.

#1. Awakening to home all quiet and peaceful.

#2. Knowing I have a Savior.

#4. A new notebook with its promise of fresh pages.

#44. First somersaults

#48. Small tick of clock inviting me to slow and savor.

#60. Light sparkle in the cracks of blinds

#67. Kisses "left on."

#85. New spices wrapped in glass bottles.

#88. Laughing--really and truly with my sweeetie.

#96. The love-knowing that comes from 5 years of marriage.

#99. Aching hand from a day of gift-chronicling

#129. The joy of the unknown future and the adventure it will be.

#136. Red velvety cupcakes with cream cheese icing

#141. Little Bear telling me my fresh blow-dried hair was so beautiful.

#142. Burnt orange weeds all aflame with the fire of God.

#143. Warm home-baked bread with creamy honey or chunky peanut butter and raspberry jam

#145. Practicing Eucharisteo when it's hard.

#149. Mid-afternoon napping in my sweetheart's arms.

#151. Still hoping...

#162. Feeling the peace of being so close to nature and God...

Will I forget Him?

From my search in the Book of Mormon today, I found hard doctrines and piercing questions stung my heart.

"And thus we can behold how false, and also the unsteadiness of the hearts of the children of men; yea, we can see that the Lord in his great infinite goodness doth bless and proper those who put their trust in him.

"Yea, and we may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, yea, in the increase of their fields, their flocks and their herds, and in gold, and in silver, and in all manner of precious things of every kind and art; sparing their lives, and delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; softening the hearts of their enemies that they should not declare wars against them; yea, and in fine, doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people; yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One--yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity." (Helaman 12:1-2)

These thoughts cause me to examine my heart:  

Will I forget Him?

"Lord, is it I?" (Matthew 26:22) 

And my Savior is asking, "Will ye also go away?" (John 6:67)

And I want to answer with my whole heart and soul, "No, Lord, I will never leave Thee, I will never forget Thee or betray Thee."

But my question is, how?

How do I do this when the natural, carnal man is "quick to be lifted up in pride...quick to boast...slow...to remember the Lord their God, and give ear unto his counsels, yea, how slow to walk in wisdom's paths!" (Helaman 12:5)

And in His goodness, the Lord answers:  "And thus we see that except the Lord doth chasten his people with many afflictions, yea, except he doth visit them with death and with terror, and with famine and with all manner of pestilence, they will not remember him." (Helaman 12:3)

Is this one of the reasons there is death and darkness and affliction and heartbreak and trial and storm everywhere we turn in this fallen world?  To bring us back to Him?  To help us remember Him in the depths of humility?  Perhaps.

Ann says, "All is grace." And it is.  The Lord is over all and cradles each our lives in the palm of His hand, clothing us as the lilies of the field, and when it is eternally hard to see how our trials will bring us happiness, we must simply have faith in the Almighty that one day, our furnaces of affliction will have fired our souls into pure gold...when all the dross and impurities have melted away. (See 1 Peter 1:7)

And to be fit for the Kingdom, we must be fit...exercised through much trial.  Else, how will we feel worthy to be in the Savior's presence, eternally living in His kingdom, if we have never experienced the bitter?  He, who was perfect, descended below all things, and we who are ever so imperfect wish to be exempt?  The thought makes reason stare.  We are to follow His example in all things, even to Gethsemane and Calvary.  Only when we have passed through heart-wrenching experiences will we ever feel worthy to live with Him again...because even our greatest suffering cannot hold a candle to what He suffered infinitely for all mankind.

This is the bitter that will one day be sweet, Eucharisteo.  Full Eucharisteo and undefiled.

May I never forget, or leave, or forsake.

May I remember, even in my wealth, even in my poverty. May I remember Thee, and all the good Thou hast done.

Beginnings

I am nearly halfway into "one thousand gifts" now.

Already I feel so alive and awake and changed.

I smile all giddy inside to think of the changes the rest of the words will bring.

And from Ann I see myself though situations differ.

We all face humanity's rush for more time and more understanding and just for plain more.

We all feel a lack of something, but what?

She presented Eucharisteo and I accepted, and for days breathed the word in hushed tones and aloud to reinforce the word, the meaning into my life.

But yesterday, a new layer was added, a practice, an action to apply much like one does when in Photoshop. To a picture, an action layered gives new color, new vibrancy, new life to the photograph, imbuing it with a brand-new personality.

The action was nothing more and nothing less than a chronicling of gifts from God.

And so we had a Family Home Evening lesson all about counting our blessings and used President Uchtdorf's First Presidency message from this month's Ensign.  And I gave sons and husband each a box to open, with a brand new notebook journal with fresh clean pages.  We helped our little ones draw and write two things for which they were grateful.  And though my Little Bear's entry consisted of fat and skinny sausages, the lesson stayed I think, imprinted on hearts.  This morning Little Bear, during the breakfast prayer, thanked Heavenly Father that we can count our blessings and draw in our thankful books.

And this morning I began by lamplight in the still of the peaceful sunrise...recording in my book with my pen dedicated to this purpose...to fill in gifts and more and more until it was time to get ready for the day.  But my hands carried the notebook wherever I went and my mind did not leave the gifts alone.  Fresh ones have been scratched on the page....more and more and more.

I have #71 completed now with #72 written, waiting to be filled.

I write as they happen, and here are just a few:

#12. Kissing scrunched up noses.

#15. Glowing lamplight on two-year-old toes.

#16. Long black lashes lacing beautiful blue eyes.

#18. Butterflies inside me reminding me of coming camera.

#19. Whoosh of heater happily turning on again.

#20. Swirl of golden ash hair all tousled from sleep.

#21. New black jet stream pen to be used only for this counting of holiness.

#38. Glass tinkle in dishwasher--music like chimes.

#40. Folder Games strewn out on rug.

#57. One more gift. There is always one more.

Ann says that "Naming is Edenic." And this thought strikes me because it is.  We are naming gifts like Adam named the animals and Father named His creations.  To name something shows us the God-given value of person, place or thing.  When we name, we are partners in creation.

And so I will continue to live this way.

Because I was promised in my patriarchal blessing that 

I would depart from this life "after living a full life."

Now this book and this answer to a blessing, and now I have learned (and am still learning) that living a full life is living a thankful life and noticing God in the present. In the details. 

In every moment of every day.

Because He is here.  He is I AM, waiting to be found.

And when we count the gifts He gives us as the moments pass, we will find that to magnify means to multiply, just as happened with the loaves and fishes...the Savior gave thanks, and the miracle happened.

The cleansed leper gave thanks and he was made whole (and the Hebrew word for whole is sozo...which means to be saved.)

Thanksgiving saves us and makes us whole and happy.

There is always enough when we give thanks for what we have.

So, will you take the dare?

Will you "dare to live fully right where you are"?

Will you begin your One Thousand Gift List today?

one thousand gifts

It's here!  My book is finally here, and I am soon to open the first page (though I've read the first chapter online already), and soak in the freshness, the familiarity, and to see myself in the mirror of its pages.

The journey is beginning...

{Initials}

What are your initials?

To me, initials are something to represent a life, a purpose, a mission even.

My initials used to be "JG" and my father one day told me they meant "Jewel of God," and for years this phrase directed my posture, my stance toward life.  I learned how to be a princess to my Heavenly Father and I gained a real sense of His love for me.

And just recently I was pondering my new initials of 5 years..."JGJ"

Last night I sat in my bed pondering what the Lord would have me know for the night and for the next day.  Words floated into my heart as they have so many times in the past:  

"Your theme is "Joy in the God-like Journey."  

Smiling, I knew why this was important for me to know at this time.  Because He has led me to find Ann Voskamp's daily journal and her 1000 Gifts which I am patiently dying to read...maybe for my birthday (or sooner)?  And He knows I have been searching for a life transformation.  It began with finding Ann Voskamp and using her insights about life to make mine more holy, more Christ-like.  And the capstone was placed last night with a life's mission given to me in the quiet chambers of the heart.

He is walking with me now, but I guess He always has, it's just that I have become more attuned to notice Him everywhere.  I feel close to heaven, closer than ever, and this process of coming to know God better and better each day is really all quite natural when we really believe with all of our hearts that this life is the time to prepare to meet God (Alma 34:32).

Year of Eucharisteo.

Ann Voskamp says:

"I name years like I’ve named babies because each one births a different life that needs to be raised up and remembered."

 I've recognized this with the passing of each year, how each one presents itself differently woven together with common thread that make a tapestry theme.

I have noticed the last few years have taken on their theme from the "gift" that I've decided to give my Savior on Christmas for the coming year.

And this past Christmas I gave Him the gift of "living in Thanksgiving daily."

Some days life has poured me joy unending.  Other days it has been an upward battle.  But in it all, I have been practicing an attitude of gratitude like President Monson counseled us to cultivate.

Said he, "...to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven."

This is, in essence, what "eucharisteo" means.

 From Matthew 15:32-38:

“And Jesus saith unto them, How many loaves have ye? And [the disciples] said, Seven, and a few little fishes.
“And [Jesus] commanded the multitude to sit down on the ground.
“And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks, and brake them, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.”

President Monson says, "Notice that the Savior gave thanks for what they had—and a miracle followed: “And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the broken meat that was left seven baskets full.”

From the pen of Sharaya Crossan:

"In the original language, 'gave thanks' is written eucharisteo. He gave thanks. He broke apart. He gave. The bread. Himself. Eucharisteo.

"The root word of eucharisteo in the Greek is charis meaning gift or grace. He took the bread and saw it as a gift...Do we see the common like bread and drink as pure grace, unmerited gifts from He who can do nothing but give? Do we take up each moment of life in this way, both the mundane and the trials of life?

"Charis also forms the root of the Greek word chara, meaning joy. Those three words...grace, thanksgiving, joy...come together. In all circumstances, even in our greatest trial, we can receive from Him this sustenance. Now served to us with nail-scarred hands, first we taste of grace—that He delights in us in His generous benevolence. Then we savor it with thanksgiving that both springs up from our spirit and nourishes us right down to our souls. And our dessert? Joy! Joy...from thanksgiving...from grace, freely bestowed on us, His beloved.

"With the taking, with the thanking, comes the breaking. As we feast upon His eucharisteo, so we then take our lives...our time, our talents, our treasure...and in the power of grace and in the spirit of thanksgiving, 'break' them to share them with a hungry world around us—our spouse, our children, our extended family, our community, our world. It is our gift...because freely we have received; therefore, freely we give."

And so this year, this beautiful year of eucharisteo, I will gather the daily manna sent so lovingly from my Father.  I have lingered long in the attitude of the Israelites when they saw the manna from heaven and "wist not what it was."  But now the Spirit whispers as perfectly clear as Moses spoke in response:  "This is the bread which the Lord hath given you to eat." (Exodus 16:15)

The bread He gives me is the only Begotten Son and all of the miracles and beauty which, because of Him, are showered down upon me as abundantly as the manna from heaven.  I need only to gather, to notice, to relish each sweet morsel.  And then I will break my own bread of service for all around me, especially my dear family loved ones.  I will give myself as an offering, just as He did, but in a much smaller and more finite way.

How can I say it better than Ann?

"This work—the thousand endless jobs—they each give the opportunity for one to become the gift, a thousand times over!

"Because with every one of the thousand, endless jobs, I become the gift to God and to others, because this work is the public God serving, the daily liturgy of thanks, the completing of the Communion service with my service."

"...our happiness comes, too, not in the having but in the handing over.

"Give your life away in exchange for many lives, give away your blessings to multiply blessings, give away so that many might increase, and do it all for the love of God. 

"I can bless, pour out, be broken and given in our home and the larger world and never fear that there won’t be enough to give. because eucharisteo has taught me to trust that there is always enough God. He has no end. And it is God Himself who serves me as I serve.

"Here you can enact eucharisteo; here you can become a current in a river of grace that redeems the world!

"God can be in me, even me, and use these hands, these feet, to be His love, a love that goes on and on and on forever, endless cycle of grace.

 

"I am blessed.
"I can bless.
"So this is happiness."

Ceremonies and Rituals.

I've been thinking a lot about rituals.

We've even invited a new one into our daily routine.

Just me and the boys...in a Sunrise Devotional...

...but more about that later.

First, you must read this from Ann Voskamp's post entitled: Live a Celebrated Life: Beauty of Ceremony

Young hands celebrate September with posies of pink erasers budding on the end of slim yellow stems and hours dressed smartly in routines. It’s the rite of back-to-school days: the folding back of fresh notebooks, the lacing up of maiden shoes, the cracking open of new texts.

It’s the ceremony of new school days.

We do that, us soul carriers. When we deem events significant, we create ceremony. Marriage ceremonies, baptismal services, holiday observances… yes, too, back-to-school traditions.

If we consider an occasion meaningful, we develop a ceremony to duly recognize it. Simply, ceremony is a repeated action that marks important happenings: always candles on birthday cakes, centerpieces for Thanksgiving, vows on wedding days.

And yet, isn’t every day important? Do not all of our acts warrant ceremony?

Each moment God generously bestows is momentous. If we embrace each day as gift, then isn’t each event noteworthy? And if each moment lived is important, could we not then live in ceremony, celebration wrapped around each bead of time?

God does. Every day, He acts in ceremony, repeated quotidian order of services: calling sun-orb to arch across skies, ocean waters to wet land’s lip, again and again, the globe to dance in orbit with milky moon through heavens.

Our God acts in endless ceremony to bring order to the world. And so we too, made in His image, are ceremonious beings, bringing order to chaos through ceremony.

Whenever parents create ceremonies, or a rhythmic routine, around any daily activity, we impose order on the environment, instead of on our children.

The order of service we create around bedtimes, school times, mealtimes allow ceremonies to prescribe behavior instead of each event requiring parental directive.

This atmosphere of known routine, expected ritual and, yes, celebrated ceremony, not only lessens the number of decisions that a parent must make throughout the day (the established ceremony directs, instead of the parent), but children thrive in such an environment.

Children “want things repeated and unchanged,” writes G.K. Chesterton. “They always say, “Do it again”… [It is] grown-up people [who] are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon…. The repetition in nature may not be mere recurrence; it may be a theatrical encore.” 

When we reject repeated actions as monotonous and Spirit-quenching, are we simply exposing our weaknesses?

If we chose to “exult in monotony,” to embrace habitual ceremony, would we be inviting the same God who instituted the observances of feasts, temple ceremonies, the service of communion, to be our strength too?

Perhaps the repetitiveness of ceremony does not stifle the Spirit, but ceremony invites us to regular meeting places, places to commune with the Spirit.

So we meet our days with routines, ceremonies around the simple:

• Perhaps we tie up breakfast with quiet music, prayer for the day, and a lighting of a candle.
• Or wrap up school times with a habitual place, a consistent time, and an anticipated order of service: an opening hymn, a Word of Scripture, a time of happy sharing.
• Possibly we establish a ceremony of evening circle, with a gathering for the read aloud of a classic while tired feet are massaged and hot drinks sipped, before tucking children into bed with blessings. 

 And so, as for me, I want these ceremonies, these rituals to be a part of my family.  When we can take a mundane act and make it memorable and special, life is lovely and joyful.  This is what I want.

So, we began something I've wanted to do since I was a young girl writing down lists of ideas and activities to do in my future family....Sunrise Devotional.  Each day after the dishes and chores are done, we gather around the kitchen table (which is lit with a charming candle) with the scripture reader and snacks.  We begin with a prayer.  And then we eat.  And read.  And share our questions and feelings.  It's been a tremendous blessing in our family life.  I feel more peaceful and empowered as a mother since we've implemented this tradition...and we haven't missed a day.

And then there's this morning.  We tried what Ann suggested with a candle and quiet music for breakfast.  It did give a unique ambiance to a normally crazy meal.  And sometimes we have a "picnic" in the living room while we watch a short movie and eat our lunch.  This one isn't an everyday thing.  Just every once in a while to keep it special.  But the boys ask me if we can do it nearly every day.

Family scripture study and prayer is a must every morning and night for prayers and nightly for scripture study.  And of course family home evening is something we all look forward to on Monday evenings.

My question to pose to you today, is, "How can we make these events more unique?  More special?  More ceremonious?"  I doubt that our Heavenly Father just "goes through the motions" when it comes to that "theatrical encore" of rising the sun and the moon each day.  How do we make the simple activities beautiful?  Like cooking? And cleaning? And grocery shopping? And laundry?  

What are your ideas?  What are your thoughts?  What has worked in your family?  What would you like to implement?  Please share.

Walk with Him Wednesday

Today's Gem:

I was praying this morning for the usual blessings...thanking Him for many of the things I do everyday when the Spirit led me to pray for something I haven't prayed for in a long while.

I asked Him to walk with me today.

And then as I've gone about my day, I noticed a new found grace, an inner strength within me.

And I realized it was Him...answering my prayer.

Everything has been easier today since I invited Him to walk with me...my thoughts have been closer to Him as well.

And then when I read Ann Voskamp's post today, I realized the prompting to pray for this particular blessing was no mere coincidence.

I didn't know that every Wednesday Ann posts a spiritual practice that draws us closer to Christ...and it's called...

Walk with Him Wednesday.

Truly, "...the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth now. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be." (Jacob 4:13)

And as for my spiritual practice...you may already know.

It's simply praying to invite Christ to walk by my side.

New Beginning...

Through miraculous means I stumbled upon the most wonderful blog written by author, Ann Voskamp.

And deep within me, I feel that I am on the brink of something big...the verge of something visionary.

My life is changing as I write this.

I am starting a new chapter of my life, a new door has opened before me...that of

living a holy experience...indeed, a holy life.

Ann Voskamp states:

"This place is about finding the beauty and quiet,

slowing to see the sacred in the chaos, the Cross in the clothespin, the flame in the bush…

Just to listen – laundry, liturgy, life, — holy ground.

A holy experience — because all of life flames with God."

And a quote that has always been dear to my heart comes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

"Earth's crammed with heaven, And every common bush afire with God: But only he who sees takes off his shoes."

And so I begin my holy experience.  I am starting tonight to notice how Heavenly Father fills the cracks and crevices of everything which we call our lives.  He is there in the melting, March-sodden snow.  He is there in the warmth of the sunshine.  He is there in the sound of our little one's laughter.  He is there in the dishes as they come clean, the laundry as it is moves from mounds to neatly folded piles, the chaos as it becomes organized.  He is there as we learn line upon line and precept upon precept how to notice His hand in every thing. 

My journey starts now.

And every day I will discover and implement a little gem to make my life more holy. more God-like. more happy.