For Today...

Yesterday fear gripped me as I thought of all the evil and wickedness and turmoil and unrest in the world.  And what I feared most was the unpredictability of the unknown.

But today I am shifting my views to the good that is still left in the world, the beautiful nature that surrounds me, all these tender mercies that a good Father bestows.  It is all grace, even the hard times.  And we must give thanks and praise to our Heavenly Father for all times and seasons.  But sometimes giving thanks for the hard is difficult.  It takes time to learn this new language of thanks when what we want to do is worry, complain about our trials, and be pessimistic.  I continue to work on this language-learning, and until I can master it fully, I will glory in doing the easy gratitude--thanks for all that's good around me.

Because it's there.  We just have to notice it.

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Simplify by Listening.

Just for today, make the choice to listen a little more closely to the voice of the Spirit.  Just a few minutes ago I was talking with my husband on his lunch break and spilling to him the worries and troubles from my heart.  In his wise and wonderful way, he asked me to do 2 things for him.

#1. Follow the Spirit.  He asked me to do what I am prompted to do for the Spirit will lead me to do things that will comfort and uplift my soul.

#2. Be comforted.  He promised me that because of prayers and faith the Lord would seek to comfort me today.  But I must let the comfort in.  I must choose to feel the comfort He will inevitably provide for me.

And then he asked me to have faith.  So I promised I would do these things, he told me he loved me, and we said goodbye.

Now it has been 25 minutes since I hung up the phone and I am already witnessing miracles from acting on the two simple suggestions from my sweetheart.  I know that I will only witness more as the day goes on.

Thank you, Sweetie, for your words and wisdom.  And thank Thee, Father, for the miracles.

Would you care to take the challenge as well?  I can only attest that miracles will follow--even if they are small and simple.  They will come.  They have for me...

Discover the Jewel.

For a long time I have had a little motto called, "Discover the Jewel."  I believe there is a jewel in every day (and sometimes many!)  All we have to do is find it.  Know at the beginning of each day, that somewhere, somehow, a beautiful thing will happen, something you can rightly name a jewel.  And then watch for the serendipity to come to pass.  It's like going on a treasure hunt daily.  And it certainly puts a happy spin on our otherwise mundane routines.

At the end of the day, look back and count the jewels as you fall asleep, the good things, the miraculous little blessings provided by a loving Father in heaven.  And even on the bad days, there will always be at least one tiny jewel--if we seek hard enough to find it.

Happy Challenge:

Commit to discovering the jewel(s) daily.  Give yourself the childlike joy and elation of a daily treasure hunt.

Finding Light {My Battle Part 2}

It was towards the end of March that I finally decided to reach out for help.  My husband had asked me on numerous occasions if I wanted him to call my mom and seek out a doctor.  I turned him down each time, believing that I would get better if I just gave it more time.

I had tried exercising more frequently, changing my daily routine a dozen times, eliminating distracting activities...the list went on and on.  And while each of these solutions were good and should have helped, they didn't.  I realized that it was my body's hormones and not my external factors that needed a revamp.

But there were so many days that I wished I didn't even exist...for no tangible, logical reason.  My life was perfect, but I felt in the depths of despair.  Even the warm spring and the sunshine outside, which usually served to bolster me and fuel my joy, only made me feel like crawling up in a corner to cry.  The worst part of the depression seemed to hit me in the mornings.  Every morning the weight of the day would hit me like a ton of bricks the second I opened my eyes.  Sleep was my only escape from the terrible feelings of guilt, sadness, and despair.

In the last week of March I finally accepted my sweetheart's suggestions.  He called my mom because I was too sad to admit that I was depressed.  She immediately reached out and called me.  She found a doctor and I set up an appointment.  This was the turning point for me.  She prescribed a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor and I began faithfully taking the medicine.  It took a few weeks to fully kick-in, so to speak, but I found myself experiencing fewer and fewer bad days as time went on.

I continued to practice life-enhancing habits and did my best to eat and drink right.  I began taking afternoon naps with my little ones and found my days gradually normalizing.  I remember in April there was a day that I finally felt like my normal self.  At first these days were sporadic and unpredictable, but eventually they became the majority.

In May I noticed progress.  I noted that my afternoons began to be happier, and little by little, the hour got earlier that I would begin feeling happy.  Noon for a few days, then 11:00, then 10:00.  By June--I hit a landmark.  I was finally waking up happy.  I waited a few weeks and started to feel like my normal self again.  I am just now tapering off the medication and it feels so wonderful to be alive.

While the medication was definitely a catalyst in my progress, there was a spiritual power that activated it.  I truly learned how to call on my Heavenly Father moment by moment for grace and strength beyond my own to face the feats before me.  It was revolutionary and it has changed me forever...this calling upon Him for grace.  Early this year I had been contemplating how I could come to know my Savior better.  Truly, this was the answer.

Do I feel embarrassed, saddened, or bitter that this whole experience of postpartum depression happened to me?  No. 

Though it was excruciatingly difficult, I know that the Lord pulled me from the abyss.  As I learned to rely on Him more, and use the resources He put in my path, my burden was lifted.  And now as I gaze out at the sunlight falling on the summer countryside, I am truly happy.  And I know that even though I feel much like my normal self, I will never be exactly the same.  I am different now.  More refined, stronger than I was, and perhaps, a little more like Him.

Journey to 1000 Gifts from Him. {Day 251} SINGING PRAISE

There are mornings when waking up out of REM sleep and ending on the sour note of a bad dream really threaten to discolor the sky of any day.

I wake and try to ponder for a few minutes, but nothing stirs me out of the gloom.  I get up and begin the day with proofreading my sweetheart's paper and brushing through my hair tangle.  The little boys are up so early and I wonder how I'm going to fight through this day...alone...because my sweetheart is going back to school.  I get ready for the day and afterwards let the boys watch a short movie while I spend my much-needed daily time with the Lord...feasting and thinking and feeling.  I plead with Him for answers (as I do on so many mornings), answers to solve my miniscule problems that loom larger than life.

As I read I'm reminded of the dreams I had just before waking...of being left alone time after time...and me struggling to care for my boys all by myself.  And I realize that this subconscious fear is what I've been harboring...knowing that my sweetheart would be returning to school, knowing that soon we will welcome another beautiful spirit into our home and I will be a lone mother again when we move.

But the words I read give me hope and call me to repentance.  The Lord did not leave the Jaredites alone when they crossed the great deep.  He gave them light, He provided them wind, He made is so no whale or sea creature could mar their ships, He brought them out of the depths when they were encompassed about with waves.  And for 344 days, they were driven forth...tossed upon the waves of the sea.  

But what did they do?  Did they bemoan their lot or ask "why" to their Lord?  No.  "...they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord." (Ether 6:9)

And I felt that this story was for me.  Today.  And everyday as I strive to make the counting of the gifts become part of who I am.

So I sang.  Songs of testimony and commitment and love.  Songs that lifted me from the depths of the encompassing waves and set me aright again on top of the waters.

Songs of praise have this sort of power.  And I wonder why I haven't thought to make the consistent singing a part of my daily praise...

It is now.

"An occasional burst of praise, in the midst of years of complaining, is not what is required. Songs on rare, sunshiny days; and no songs when skies are cloudy—will not make a life of gratitude. The heart must learn to sing always."  ~J.R. Miller, 1912

{ image via pinterest}

908.  Quiet time to relish with my boys and sweetheart every morning this week.
909.  Knowing the Lord will give me gems in my scripture study this morning.
913.  Imagining what my Little Star will look like and envisioning her in my mind.
914.  A fun and memorable library trip.
917.  My sweetheart telling me that I'm the most beautiful woman in the all the world and that he loves me with all of his heart.
922.  Little one hiccups inside of me
925.  My personal "Thanksgiving Celebration" where I will reflect on all that I have learned this year.
931.  German buttery pancakes with homemade Raspberry jam.
933.  The boys always behaving so reverently during Sacrament meeting.
940.  Paper chains--red and orange to count down our time before we move to our Cottage and pastel pink for when Little Star will come.
941.  Actually feeling the singing of praise lifting and energizing my sagging spirit.
942.  Pop reminding me that the waiting and anticipation is just as exciting as the actual having.

Thoughts.

I have long struggled with my thoughts.  It seems as if discouragement, negativity, and doubt enter in the holes in my heart so easily.  I have found that the adversary uses every means possible to tempt us and bring us down--and this is one of the ways he succeeds so often with me.

But today is a new day, a new dawn, a new beginning.  Each day can and must be so if we are to attain the perfection our Lord requires. (see 3 Nephi 12:48).  And today I have chosen to meditate upon a verse of scripture that will empower me to press on and rise above.  And perhaps when I do this, the Savior can heal my holes, patching them up with the perfect peace only He can bestow.

The word brings us closer to Christ.  And why limit the time we feast to the small hours of the morning when we study?  Shouldn't the word be a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path?  All day long?

They can be.  And these verses we ponder, and memorize, and cling to will become "stalwart friends" filed away in our memory to call upon when we are in need of comfort or guidance or strength.

So I write out a verse on a notecard...just a simple verse from Psalms, only eight words.  It's burning into my heart just a little more each time I recite it, building my faith, filling me with the Spirit.  And tomorrow there will be a new verse to memorize and recite and draw upon.  What grace the Lord has shown me today in prompting me to begin this small and simple practice.  He knew I needed empowerment.  He knew I needed Him.

"I will love thee, O Lord, my strength."

{Psalms 18:1}

Thoughtful Thursday...Wonder.

We hear that peace stems from thanksgiving.
We experience happiness in the habit of thanksliving.

But pure wonder is born from the art of pausing to notice God's grace.

Pause, and see God's graceful, {grace full} masterpiece in this awe-inspiring clip.
(Pause the music player at the bottom of the page)

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.